Trump Family New Year’s Resolutions

by Lindsey Mutz

Donald

  • Pardon the next hurricane
  • Good ratings for the Fake News Media Awards
  • Find new group of people to insult
  • KFC
  • Bigger button

Melania

  • Don’t run away
  • Change bedroom door locks periodically
  • Scarier Christmas decorations
  • More convincing body double
  • Get moving on that cyber bullying campaign

Ivanka

  • New Nordstrom line
  • Sit in on as many classified meetings as possible
  • Feminist stuff

Jared

  • Keep moving on that peace in the middle east thing

Donald Jr.

  • Less tweeting out emails
  • More hair grease
  • Kill another big animal, maybe an elephant this time!

Eric

  • Strengthen relationship with father
  • Create more deep state conspiracies
  • Drink more water

Tiffany

  • Graduate from law school
  • Get Dad to answer my phone calls
  • Get into the family business of colluding
  • Tour of White House?

 

 

Finished Image via Us Weekly.

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